The Question

A sideways look at age, Colin McQueen - writer, Getting Older, Humour 3 Minutes

I think it only fair that I make it clear, before you get down to thinking ‘Here he goes again,’ that this little tract is not about anxious soul searching – sunny me remains in charge – but simply addresses a question that, to date, I have been unable to answer, to wit, how will I ever know if I get this right?

As much as I am told that I really should do this thing just for myself and not for the benefit of the very small number of atypically enlightened people who actually read it, I do find that my enthusiasm is wont to wane when my daily readership falls below the winter temperature (in Celsius) of that little red and white striped number at the top of the world.  It seems to me that doing anything purely for one’s own ends seldom ends well and, vain as it is (very well, ‘Vain as I am…’) I do occasionally find it difficult to dredge up the requisite zeal for writing when I know in advance that what I have wrestled onto paper (like man v octopus) is not going to be read, and I am fully aware that of late my regular readership has dwindled faster than Vladimir Putin’s Trustpilot rating.  I plod on though.  I keep to my self-imposed schedule because it is important to me: it is my challenge.  Writing is easy – it is my joy – but keeping to a timetable is not.  I do still flip onto my ‘stats’ from time to time – most recently to find that my ‘weeklies’ are now well below what were once my ‘dailies’ – and I do occasionally find myself celebrating a 1% increase on the day, even if that only adds up to 5% of an actual person.  I have no social media presence – which is definitely my choice – so what do I expect?  I don’t worry about not having hundreds of readers, only about not writing well enough to entertain those I do have.  I am, happy that I have never knowingly published anything that I felt was not ‘good enough’ (for me), even though I have often published pieces with the certain knowledge that they would not be read.  Never mind, I enjoyed writing them.  Some of my favourite pieces have been read by fewer people than my tea leaves.

I do, from time to time, try to predict what will be well-received and what will not, but with little success.  I am less enlightened than an eight-ball in a coal-hole, but am I downhearted?  Well, just occasionally, yes if I’m honest.  I do sometimes feel like a gardener whose prize marrow is deemed to be of insufficient quality for a place on the paste-table by the toilets at the village show – even though I have flung more shit at it than the rest of the village combined.  Yet, perversely, I am not crestfallen: if I suddenly achieved viral fame – whatever that might be – I would almost certainly not know what to do with it.  I would see no pecuniary benefit – although I would, obviously, be prepared to discuss the film rights with that nice Mr Spielberg.

My inability to divine in advance what will, and will not, be successful is what really irks.  Every now and then the analytical part of my brain (just to the right of ‘retention of facts’, where there’s lots of room) starts asking for answers and, frankly, I am at a loss.  I do not fully understand the way it works, but if a piece is only read by a very small number of people, that does not, surely, make it a bad piece because – in the absence of a big review – reading it would be the only way to find out.  It’s more likely, I suppose, that the piece after the bad piece would be the one to suffer reader-wise, but how would I know?

If I’m honest, I’m not at all sure of what I’d do with thousands of readers, what would I write about?  How would I keep them all happy?  I’m very content just now with my WordPress lot: I write what and when I like; I publish to a routine that keeps OCD me out of the straitjacket and I enjoy the ‘conversations’ I am able to have with (I was going to say ‘like-minded souls’, but that seems unduly harsh on you all) my little band of cyber-pals.  If one day I run out of something to say then I can stop – although it’s never stopped me up to now – and one day, probably when I alone constitute my only reader, I will stumble across the answer and, when I do, I will let you know – as long as I can still remember the question…

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23 thoughts on “The Question”

  1. It’s hard to tell what posts will be a hit or not. Sometimes I think one will really take off and it’s a dud and sometimes when I write a dud everybody likes it.

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      1. Yeah, I get frustrated because, even though I am doing it for my own exercise I still want to put something out that if someone reads it they will enjoy.

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      2. I’d love to know why every now and then I publish something that just doesn’t get read – there must be a reason (It can’t just be that its poor. Nobody could know that without reading it) and it did used to frustrate me, but I don’t let it now. It is what it is. I have some brilliant readers and they publish great posts themselves, so what’s not to love?

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  2. You have more followers than me. After doing this for a year or so I wondered if I should stop but then Covid arrived and everyone was anxious and upset. One or two people had said my pictures cheered them up and I decided that if I helped just those two or three people it would be worthwhile as I enjoy doing it. Back then I had a very very small following but I stopped checking and gradually the number increased. I have “met” some nice people without having to meet them face to face. I am hopelessly socially awkward. So this is safe way for me to maintain contact with the outside world. Your humour amuses me and I shall continue to follow you, from over here.

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    1. Thank you. I certainly hope you do. As for your photo’s, I view them every day. I might not always have anything to say, but they always cheer me up. They always say it’s quality over quantity don’t they?

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  3. I’ve given up on trying to work out what will hit or miss. The ones I tend and fuss over, burnish and smilingly present in all its finest polished brilliance(?!) sit there like a steaming pile of dogs post digestions, alone and ignored. A throw-away response or something that, IMHO, is nuffink special, is in my rarified readership, a runaway best reader(?!) It’s like supporting Crystal Palace, you don’t know what the Hell is going to happen, only that it can easily get worse rather than better.
    It is frustrating, but WP keeps us off the streets, I guess. Still, some mornings you can look at the stats for ones latest mini-masterpiece and wonder ‘what is the bleedin point?’ Sigh.
    Hope you feel all uplifted and better now!!!

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      1. Yep. From my perspective there’s another Wergle Flomp humourous poetry comp to enter- another year, another sad disappointment- but hey, nuffink ventured, nothing paine- errrr, gained. Keep smiling like me Colin, the rictus might even stick, one fine day…

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  4. I had a similar angst moment about my photos site a few weeks ago, and wrote about it. I came to a similar conclusion ‘Who am I doing this for anyway?’ The answer was ‘Me’, so I continue just to post on that, and my scribblans one, to amuse myself.

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  5. Yes, it can be annoying trying to guess what works. I had okay numbers but then stopped putting things out regularly, and naturally, they dropped. I just do it when I feel like it and because I occasionally enjoy putting a post together. So, I guess I’m the primary audience now.

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  6. I have found that my most unpopular postings are usually the ones I like best. There’s no telling. However, I find that one of the most destructive forces that undermines my writing motivation is the desire to write to please other people and their standards.

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  7. I have a tendency to over check stats as well. Unfortunately that only leads me down the ‘they loved me yesterday but abandoned me today’ rabbit hole. New followers are great, but only task ones. I delete all the businesses and pseudo bloggers who have no intention of ever reading or commenting. I find the key is reciprocity. The more someone comments on my posts the more apt I am to read theirs. Of course I don’t take any of it very seriously, I’m not a writer. Just enjoying the platform.
    🙂

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    1. I find it intriguing when I get a number of Likes but no ‘Reads’. Me, I write all the time. When I’m not writing for a specific reason, it either goes on here or it goes in a box. I write because it is what I do, I read because I want to and I love the ‘chat’. Viva our little gang and bugger the stats!

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