Different Eyes

I write chaotically; sometimes frighteningly quickly, sometimes in a monosyllabic dirge that emerges at the speed of jelly dripping through a sock, so I occasionally maintain control over my publication dates by scheduling pieces in advance, to maintain some kind of order to my output.  If my publication timetable was anything like as erratic as my writing schedule, then none of us would know what day it was.  The one downfall of maintaining order in this way is that occasionally I am forced to ‘pull’ a blog because the same subject has been covered by a different writer in the meantime.  Normally, it doesn’t matter, we are all seeing the same things through different eyes anyway, but occasionally, what we have to say aligns to such a degree that I know that I can add nothing to what has already been said and I have to use a ‘reserve’ piece instead.  I have a stash from times of bounty, which I keep for my regular spells of brain-fade or holiday.  They are often, I notice, more ranty than my usual posts.  Probably fuelled by excessive night-caps or Donald trump.

They do not necessarily fit into the general flow of things, but that, of course, is not necessarily a ‘bad thing’. The seed that takes root and grows into each blog is normally found in its predecessor, so an ‘out of place’ post every now and then lends a pleasing serendipity to the flow. For the reader, foreknowledge is surely the worst of all evils. Perhaps a step out of line from time to time is required to keep us all on our toes.

We are all watching the same world, but our viewpoints are not the same.  No single question has a definitive answer – unless it is on the very basic mathematical level, which, as my brain has never progressed beyond the absolutely basic on that score, is as far as I would feel qualified to say.  Take, for instance, climate change, which, as an ongoing reality, was once the subject of serious debate.  I don’t think it is now – at least not by anybody you would not expect to see wearing a red nose at the circus: the facts are there.  The effect is certain, but what of the cause?  If we accept that Global warming is an issue, then the question must lie elsewhere.  Is it a looming man-made disaster, or is it merely a normal part of an ever-evolving natural cycle?  CO² levels have, after all, been very much higher in the past, but the planet did not then support any of the (admittedly dwindling) diversity of life that it supports today.  The planet can cope with the environmental changes, it does not need life to continue.  It could probably do with the rest.

Anyway, aren’t we supposed to be the brainy ones: the top of the evolutionary tree?  Shouldn’t we be trying to do something about it whatever the cause?  Surely we cannot continue to dig whatever we want out of the ground forever.  Surely we can’t keep on filling in the holes we make with plastic crap.  (Now, here’s a thought.  If we filled all the holes with water, would that make sea level go down?)

In truth, I’m not certain how worried we really are about animal species becoming extinct, as long as they are not something we would normally eat.  Would we actually be happier living on a planet that was occupied only by ourselves and dinner?  If the planet needs more trees, what if we planted fruit trees?  Can you imagine our battle against drunken wasps on an early autumn planet coated in fruit trees and the buzzy cacophony of tiny wasp voices yelling, ‘Leave him Keith.  He’s not worth it!’  (I’m assuming here that Keith is a popular wasp name) a planet where dawn’s great herald is not a chorus of birdsong, but a volley of wasp retching.  Probably no more than we deserve…

Anyway, as the dominant intellect in the writing team that produces this blog (I know, I know) I have put my mind to finding a solution – and here is where I have arrived. As a species, we are wickedly good engineers. What if we scooped all of the plastic out of, and off, our poor benighted planet and made it into a single great pipe through which we could pump all of Earth’s excess ‘greenhouse gasses’ to Mars? Presumably Mars would then heat up and the frozen water beneath its surface would rise and we would be able to fill the planet with billions of CO² guzzling, oxygen producing trees and Bingo! In no time at all a lush green planet with an oxygen-rich atmosphere into which we could send all of our wasps! Genius!

It is only one of my many plans for the future: consider a planet full of CO² and melting ice-caps of pure, cold water.  Answer, all you can drink fizzy water.  Polar ice-caps as the planet’s Soda Stream.  Of course, the changing world would expedite the imperative for the selective evolution of polar wildlife.  Penguins, for example, would probably have to learn to fly again.  It should be no problem for them, they have done it before.  And Polar Bears?  I have a plan for them too, just as soon as I discover whether they eat wasps…

Anyway, these are my plans to save the planet: my gift to the world.  I will be publishing full details very soon for peer-review on this very website – providing nobody gets there first, in which case it will probably be a rant about cats…

32 thoughts on “Different Eyes

  1. The idea has never occurred to me before. Dripping jelly through socks to measure the passage of time. Except for mine always seem to have a hole in the toe.

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      1. Yes Herb, we do learn something new everyday. However, I find that the more I know the more drips out to make space and that is why I am so glad that I can ask my daughter on the phone “Lovely, I’m in the middle of washing up and cannot remember the name of a song, can you tell me it goes like this: Ooo WA A A A u u” and she tells me Disturbed, so I thank her, put the phone down and search for it on YouTube to wash up with (It’s called “Down With The Sickness” if you’re interested and a catchy little ditty too I might add. 😜 🤪 🤨 🧐

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  2. Just what we need, some innovative blue sky thinking. Take that, Elon Musk, Colin is here now and he’s got proper innovation, not just microchips in pig brains.

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  3. Wasn’t Dominic Cummings advertising for ‘weirdos and misfits with odd skills’ to work in number ten? That could have been a great gig for you…

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  4. On the subject of Donald T.. Whilst scrolling down the news channels etc on my phone, I came across an article under the banner of the Daily Express which clearly stated that Mr T was going to win a second term by a huge margin Blah Blah etc… I then scrolled past a couple more news sites only to encounter another post, once again, under the banner of the Daily Express, which stated categorically that Mr T was heading for a major defeat! Maybe this explains why the chap doesn’t know whether he is coming or going!!

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  5. First thing…you are hardly recognisable in your new pic. I was wondering if your evil twin has taken over your WordPress account. You look good!
    Secondly, I second your idea about Mars. Wasps, I just made peace with, so I will not put my tie out of line. Best of luck to you for trying. I learnt my lesson after the rebellion by Spiders, Wasps and Bees in the area. I just came out of the tunnel after hiding for a fortnight.

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    1. Still me, I promise, just older. Bees and spiders at least have a point. Wasps, just a pointless temper with a rechargeable sting! Pleased you’re out of the tunnel 😉


      1. 🤣🤣🤣 yup rechargeable sting. We had a pact with the wasps, bees and spiders with anti-web/nest/hive destruction clause. And also an anti-rat poison pact with Mathew, the rat, for letting us stay in his tunnel for 15 days. Crazy I tell you. I am writing about it soon enough

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