Advice for the Young at Heart…


…Soon we will be older
When we gonna make it work?…

Now, I have read the guidance. I understand that publishing a blog which offers advice (or, more precisely, has a title that suggests that it offers advice) is a sure-fire way to score extra readers. Why this should be I have no idea, particularly as it is my experience that, by and large, most people are very bad at taking advice – no matter how well-meaning and informed it is. On the whole, sound advice is, I find, rather resented and so, I rarely attempt to give it. However, I feel it is probably time to give it a go. This blog is, after all, about getting older and, as I am doing precisely that, I feel certain that I can offer some insight. Of some kind. Somehow…

I have now spent a few hours with some scraps of paper. I have made notes. They are not in any order, just as they occurred. I don’t think I’m going to change your world, but, for what it’s worth, here it is:
• Take your time: do things at your own pace. You may well be able to do exactly what you did thirty years ago, but it will now take you weeks to recover. If it involves anything that features bending, you will be racked by pain and locked rigid for the foreseeable future.
• If you find that you have become addicted to a hobby such as train spotting or stamp collecting, pretend that you are actually doing something more socially acceptable: taunting next door’s pet rabbit with an electrical carrot; howling like a wolf at the checkout in Marks & Spencer; carrying fish heads in your pocket through the whole of August.
• Do not obsess about your weight – it will only make you comfort eat.
• Never give your opinion. It will only lead to accusations and recriminations. Whatever they may say, people do not want to hear your opinions, they want to hear affirmation of their own.
• Never eat a ripe peach in public.
• Never make plans – you will have quite enough problems fitting in with everybody else’s.
• Sunglasses do not make you look cool – they make you walk into things.
• Do not complain that jam jar lids are getting tighter – they are not.
• Never be tempted into telling anyone how good you used to be at any sporting endeavour. Even if you won an England Cap, they will have been ‘much easier to come by’ then.
• Never be foolish in the proximity of your grown-up children. They will never forget it and, therefore, neither will you.
• You might feel like a woman half your age, but that is because you are a man of sixty. Stop it!
• Your children’s friends do not like you. They merely tolerate you.
• There comes a point when looking helpless stops attracting ridicule and starts to elicit sympathy. Milk it while you can.
• Nobody ever really thinks that you look young for your age. They are just being nice, because you are old.
• Enjoy everything you do as if it is the last time you will do it – because, frankly, it just might be.
• If you want to wear a hat, then wear a hat. Looking a pillock is a privilege of age.

We can do anything that we want.
Anything that we feel like doing…
Advice for the Young at Heart – Tears For Fears (Holland/Orzabal)