Things That Should Never Be Taken Seriously

  • Any poetry that contains the word ‘ain’t’
  • Politicians who promise to tell the truth
  • ‘Buy one, get one free’
  • ‘Self-made’ millionaires who started off with absolutely nothing – other than the million pounds their parents ‘loaned’ them
  • Anyone who phones unexpectedly and starts the conversation with ‘Good afternoon sir…’
  • Actors who believe their work is important
  • Anybody who tells you how good you look
  • ‘But…’ (‘I don’t mean to be funny but…’, ‘I’m not racist but…’, It’s none of my business but…’)
  • Anything that offers results without effort
  • Anything that promises to make you look ten years younger
  • Politicians who claim to be ‘a man/woman of the people’
  • The manufacturer’s ‘miles per gallon/miles per electrical charge’ projection on a new vehicle
  • Anyone who wears a bow tie without being forced to
  • The efficacy of a baby’s nappy
  • ‘Sale Ends Tomorrow’ notices
  • Anything that an Estate Agent says, unless you get it in writing
  • Anything that an Estate Agent says, even if you do get it in writing
  • Newsreaders who wink
  • People who dress up pets
  • Politicians in track suits
  • Anything that’s ‘foolproof’
  • Turquoise track suits
  • Clowns
  • People who wear turquoise track suits
  • ‘If you wish to stop receiving e-mails from us, just click here’
  • The weather forecast
  • The first answer you get on a calculator
  • Anything that claims to be ‘leak-proof’
  • Celebrity chefs
  • Your partner when they’ve had a drink
  • Trendy vicars
  • Children who deny anything
  • Ripley’s ‘Believe It Or Not’
  • Actor’s who claim to love their co-stars
  • ‘I put in even more hours when I work from home…’
  • Politicians who say ‘I have been completely open about my tax affairs’
  • ‘It’s a united dressing room’
  • ‘I almost became professional in my teens’
  • Man Caves
  • Sweat bands
  • ‘We will take all such allegations very seriously’
  • Elderly Chinese politicians with jet-black hair
  • Bidets
  • The word ‘operative’ when applied to a job description
  • A Russian promise
  • Vitamins
  • Pyjamas
  • Naturists (particularly those playing volleyball)
  • 72-hour antiperspirant
  • Apathy
  • Politicians

21 thoughts on “Things That Should Never Be Taken Seriously

  1. I’d like to add one although this is a very comprehensive list (I avoided a sentence that would include ‘but’) my addition: Banks. And come to think of it almost any promise made by an airline.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s a lot on your hit list today Colin.
    First point; ‘you cain”t be serious!’ (or am I thinking of your 28 Feb post?)
    As for apathy, being followed by nothing I… Sorry, lost the thread there…
    Politicians, serious as a heart attack, yet laughably sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The opinions of the bloke who always sits at the end of the bar. Any ‘White Goods’ salesperson who tells you that your new cooker/fridge/washing machine etc will be delivered on the day that they say it will be. Your parents. Other people’s parents. Anyone who claims to have been in the SAS or other special forces unit. The nurse about to rip a plaster off a tender part of your anatomy. Mulled wine. Anyone who drinks mulled wine. People who claim that oysters are an aphrodisiac…. They’re not!

    Liked by 1 person

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