The Beginner’s A-Z of D.I.Y Subversion – Author’s Footnote

I am aware that a footnote generally lies at the end of a text, but I intend to get this one in early for a couple of – to my mind – particularly valid reasons:

  1. As this little ‘guide’ is likely to be what might generously be described as ‘episodic’, I would like to get my disclaimers in early.  I do not wish to find myself up before the beak answering for my shortcomings before I have had a proper chance to fully express them.  I do not wish to find myself serving twenty years at her majesty’s pleasure when I have not, as yet, even had chance to pull my balaclava on.  I am of an age.  I feel that if I can get my excuses in early enough – e.g. before I have committed the misdemeanour – all will be well.
  2. The guide, itself, is not proving to be an easy thing to write.  It may not get finished.  If it does not reach a conclusion – I dare not even think about what will occupy the lines of letter Z – then I may never be able to apologise to anybody that has been offended (anyone under the age of fifty) by what I have, at that particular point, failed to say.  My intention is to post one letter per month, but it was also my intention to be a lithe, bronzed millionaire by the time I reached forty, and I’m still working on that one too, so, in case this whole tutorial remains unfinished, I intend to get my mitigation in now.  Sadly, I am neither alcohol nor drug dependent, so I fear a custodial sentence may await me.  My only chance is to plead terminal stupidity – I don’t think even the sharpest of lawyers could deny that one…

For those of you who may scan the pages below (when they appear), open-mouthed with disbelief and indignation, I offer my fulsome and unconditional apologies.  I am a man of a certain age and my command of the ‘gender-neutral pronoun’ is not great.  In short, outside of using he/she throughout the text (unwieldy and itself open to misinterpretation) I have found myself floundering in the post-prepositional sentence phase and have tended, consequently, to flit between the two main gender-specific options available to me.  Furthermore, I fear that I may have somewhat overloaded with he, his and him to the detriment of she, her and (er…) her.  Let me explain.  There are many, many female subversives out there – I have met them – but few who would require the information offered in a guide such as this.  This type of subversion is largely male¹ and the truth is that the majority of those reading this guide will be men.  Men need help.  And as a man, this is the best I can do to help them.

I understand that most men will require the services of the gender-dominant fifty percent plus of the population in the pursuit of their long term objectives, but outside of providing the old man with an odd flask of hot tea and clean pants every Wednesday, most will keep their heads down and observe the futility of failed action and impotent rage with a wry detachment.  If you are a woman reading this book in an attempt to understand what is going on between a man’s ears – well, now you know.  It’s not pretty, but at least, thanks to all of those gender-specific pronouns, you know that I’m not talking about you …

Furthermore, I understand that when reading a book, most men never make it this far…

[1] The female approach to subversion is largely at odds with that of the male and, unlike the tactics noted in these pages, by and large far more successful.

© Colin McQueen 2022

Beginner’s A-Z of D.I.Y Subversion – Index, is here.

13 thoughts on “The Beginner’s A-Z of D.I.Y Subversion – Author’s Footnote

  1. I feel at my advanced years, that there is a very thin line between subversive and submissive. I find that If I want my clothes , bedding and any other unmentionable body areas washing (should the body washing business ever come to pass when I am no longer capable of doing it myself), then I have to err on the side of reluctant submissive. For example: Not bringing MY cold hot water bottle downstairs with me in the morning, so that she has to fetch it before we retire for the evening. Not refilling the toilet roll holder when it is obvious that there are only two sheets left on the cardboard roll. Nonchalantly tapping whatever is close to hand whilst Mrs Underfelt is watching the TV, and then claiming that I didn’t realise it was annoying her as I hadn’t realised that I was doing it. It is these small pleasures that make old age bearable…. Probably!

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