I have a file of poems that I wrote specifically for reading out aloud, but other than for an audience of one (and he being in the mirror) I have never done so. One or two of them have appeared on these pages before. I quite like the ebb and flow of this one. Try reading it out for yourself, but make sure there’s no-one listening when you do…
Every day, when I sit down with my morning cup of tea
And a chocolate hob-nob biscuit a-balanced on my knee
I grab the book I’m reading and open up the page
Then something always happens that fills my heart with rage…
I see you in the corner of my eye
A-scuttling on my floor.
A little piggy beetle
A-heading for the door.
Oh tell me where you come from
I hoovered yesterday
In edges and in corners
How did you get away?
I know you have a right to live
Like every free wood-louse
But we’d both be much more happy
If you chose another house.
I grab you in my fingers
And take you to the door.
I throw you in the garden
Where there’s wood for you to gnaw.
Then sit back down to drink my tea
But it’s cold – I’ll make another
I go off to the kitchen
And it’s there I see your brother.
It seems to me a tragedy
You drive me mad this way –
Your whole extended family
Is in my underlay.
Oh crusty-backed menagerie of mini-armadillos
Though just insects, I should respect your little peccadilloes.
Perhaps I’d find it easier if you didn’t scuttle out
Every time I have my friends and family about.
So if you want to live a long and healthy insect life
Free of all your insect worries and all your insect strife.
If you don’t want me to blast you with this tin of spray I’ve bought
Then it’s only fair to tell you that I really think you ought
Take my recommendation:
Find alternative accommodation…
My eldest daughter told me
At the school gate, in a shout
That the baby doesn’t like pig beetles,
She always spits them out…
…And the incident in the envoi was a true one!
NB – I apologise for the formatting. This lovely block editor does something (I don’t know what) to pasted-in poems that puts them in a different (as far as I can see unalterable) font and puts each individual line in a separate block. Infuriating!