Some Immutable Laws of Life – 5k and Beyond

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash – Still not my own legs, but almost tatty enough.

Well, the strange thing is that I am still running and that I do now appear to have worked my way up to 5k, whilst still finding that 30 minutes marks the exact limit of my endurance.  Now I am not listening to the nagging insistence of the Couch to 5k app, time actually does seem to pass a little easier.  I am able to clear my head a little.  Unfortunately, as with all voids, it is always on the look-out for something to fill it.  This is the sort of stuff that floods into my brain as I run.  It does at least take my mind off the running. 

  • Despite what is said in the eulogies, nobody that is both bright and beautiful has friends.
  • You will always feel stupid at an interview.
  • You will always feel fat at a Spa.
  • Nothing that was funny in the pub will ever be funny anywhere else.
  • Bathroom accidents only ever happen at somebody else’s house.
  • A standard shopping bag doubles in weight for every one hundred yards you carry it.
  • Beyond the age of sixty it is impossible to experience any kind of pain without fearing death.
  • If you only want half of a Buy One Get One Free offer, no-one will ever offer you the free half.
  • According to aerodynamicists, the bumble bee cannot fly – these people design aeroplanes!
  • It is not cool to wear sunglasses indoors – especially if you walk into the hat stand.
  • She almost certainly is too good for you.
  • There are no recorded instances of anyone ever eating a jam doughnut without getting it down their crotch.
  • You do not get better as you get older, you simply become less discerning.
  • The only person that ever loves a loser is the winner.
  • A picture is never worth a thousand words – unless it is a picture of a thousand words.
  • Breakfast meets Brunch where the price goes up.
  • Vertical stripes do not make you look taller – although they do make the ground look further away.
  • If you have just won at Monopoly, you can be sure that nobody likes you.
  • Toast is always hot until you eat it.
  • No Man is an island – unless you count the Isle of Man.
  • There is only one Willy Wonka and that Willy Wonka is Gene Wilder.

I may collect these thoughts together and publish a book, like Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book, but with fewer jokes.  If you want to add any thoughts of your own, please feel free.

16 thoughts on “Some Immutable Laws of Life – 5k and Beyond

  1. Even though a vacuum flask keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, you should not put a cup of coffee and a choc ice in together. Sadly, I must have heard that in a pub.

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  2. Hey Colin, I usually don’t run…took your advice, so now you run 5 k in half hour and I use lion claws to strip away the fat…so I don’t get enough time to think, but some thoughts do cross my mind when once a month or twi I do get time to walk…
    1. The moment I wet my hair to shampoo is directly proportional to the moment my daughter decides to go potty.
    2. The moment to rain is 15 minutes after I hang out laundry to dry in the sun.
    3. The whistle of cooker scares my daughter, something I am unable to.
    4. If after 30 seconds on the rooftop no birds show up, my daughter feels an uncontrollable urge to drink water AND pee, at the same moment…

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  3. 5. The Neighbour always gets a better deal at the sale.
    6. The awesome dress, on the mannequin, will nor suit you.
    7. He certainly couldn’t have proposed ‘her’.
    8. The neighbours kid is a devil, and mine is a misunderstood angel.

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